Gazing longingly into your spouse’s eyes over a candlelight multi-course dinner of your favorite foods served with live romantic music wafting around you, enjoying playful yet meaningful conversation, courses interspersed by slow dancing in each others arms on the balcony under a full moon, followed by a night at a fantastic bed and breakfast where kissing builds into intensely passionate sex endangering your eardrums!
Is that a great marriage? Nope, that’s a great date with your spouse.
Great marriages require three components to line up: spirit, soul and body, i.e. the three components of your being. (Click here to see one verse where the Bible refers to all three)
You must agree on the eternal things. Do you both love God? The same God? Are you both continually developing more of His character in you? To achieve the plans He has designed you for and for you? To explore further read the book “Is God In Your Marriage?”
This is the deep level people instinctively know is important yet many keep to themselves (or go on a trip to “discover themselves”) but in marriage you cannot! It will blow up in your face. You must share and agree.
You must agree on the personality, emotional and decision-making level! This soul level is where most people meet, get interested, fall in love, get married, and then fall apart on.
This is the level most help books are written on. Here are my favorites so far:
“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Become the leading expert at speaking your spouse’s love language!
“Love & Respect” by Dr Emerson Eggerichs. Love her. Respect him. It is vital to make your marriage great.
“The Mystery of Marriage” by Mike Mason. Be devoted to your spouse. Do you know what devotion is?
“Married for Life” by Bill Morelan. Collected wisdom from couples married 50+ years.
“Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas. Marriage is more about holiness than happiness.
The soul is supposed to be a lot of fun, because it is who you are! If you cannot have fun being you with that guy or girl, don’t marry them!
Physically you need to agree. This is the practical matters of life meaning: health, diet, exercise, clothes, housing, vehicles, decor, money, jobs, and sex.
This is “what does life look like” and you must agree.
And this is what usually gets blamed when the issue is really at the spirit or soul level, like the tip of the iceberg. If the spirit and soul levels are working right the body level will follow along quite easily.
Bring It All Together!
The bedrock of a great marriage is unconditional commitment to unity in spirit, soul, and body. A house divided will fall! Unity requires effective communication.
Are you unconditionally committed to unity with your spouse in spirit, soul, and body?
Are you effectively communicating with your spouse as their love language expert and primary source of love? Are you getting better at it?